there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
