I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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