the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
