Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
