Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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