I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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