Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
