if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
