i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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