I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
