I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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