I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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