dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
