I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So apparently I’m into choking now
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