i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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