Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I deserve this hangover.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
