Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
