My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
