Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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