he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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