i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
