jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
