I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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