walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
what day is it and did you see me today?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
