You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
