Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
