Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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