just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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