omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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