I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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