They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
