Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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