Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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