there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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