The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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