no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
