Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
