like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
