im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
