How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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