you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
