the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
