Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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