atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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