the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
