im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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