i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
