you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
