i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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