He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
