wakey wakey hands off snakey
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
