nut hugger
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
