she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
