My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
