the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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