The maid of honor just puked.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
