24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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