I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
